How can I forgive what they did to me!? Matthew 6:14-15

"But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:15

 I have twin 3-yr old daughters. If you squint your eyes a little and use your imagination just a tad, you could almost believe that the two girls in the picture above, are actually them. My girls are absolutely precious to me. Over the past 3 and 1/2 years they have gotten me and most other men they come into contact with wrapped around their fingers. Some of my greatest joys are watching them play together, hearing them laugh, and receiving their hugs and kisses.

Their mom is just as precious to me and more so, because I have learned to love her for almost 11 years now. I started falling in love because she is beautiful. I kept falling in love with her because of her sense of  humor that has always picked me up when I am down. I love her hugs and kisses and her unconditional love for me. More than anything I love her dedication and unwavering commitment to do what is right and her awareness of other other people's feelings.

In short, my greatest blessing on this earth are my wife and two daughters.

Now let's go to a twisted imaginary scenario.

Let's say that for some crazy reason- through negligence, malice, or whatever-...you kill my wife. Assuming a court system with no appeals in place and a very strict sense of justice that says an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth is absolute law, you must die to make pardon for your sin of killing my wife.

But let's also say that I love you dearly. You are one of my friends and as much as your actions have cost me pain, I can't stand the thought of losing my relationship with you. Let's say that because of my love for you, I quietly go to the judge and explain my dilemma. The judge, who has a very keen sense of justice, demands that a law has been broken and justice must be served. If he does not carry out capitol punishment, then he will no longer be a just judge. Let's say, I explain that I already know all of that and that is why I brought my one of my daughters along with me. And then I offer my daughters to be executed in your place so that a death will have occurred and justice will have been served. And then, because other are still looking at you funny and unwilling to forgive you for what you've done to me...I bring you into my house to live with me.

I'm guessing that your first feeling on reading that, was a sense of repugnance, and rightly so. The thought of me killing one of my daughters is a horrifying and disgusting thought. And let's get this straight...I am not capable of that much love for you because I have too much love for my daughters. It wouldn't happen in real life. But let's pretend like it did. How much of a sense of debt and gratitude would you feel toward me as the dad who sacrificed his daughter so you could live? Is there anything that I could ask you to do that you would not be willing to do?

Now let's fast forward 10, 20, or 30 years, when my other daughter who lived is all grown up. Let's say that for whatever reason, she has turned out to be a real nightmare. She is selfish, hateful, and mean-spirited. And, for whatever reason, you have been the target of her hatred and ugliness.

If I ask you to forgive her even if she is unwilling to repent and change her behavior toward you...could you? Could you find it in your heart to release her from the hatred and spite that she deserves for her bad behavior for the sake of my daughter that died in your place and for the sake of my love that saved you so many years ago? Could you treat her with respect even when she treats you with disdain simply because you remember how much I gave up for you and I am her father? Could you refrain from telling others about her shortcomings and the way she has abused you, not because of the way you feel toward her, but because I asked you to as her father? Could you love her with your actions and pray for her forgiveness even when your emotions are still raw from her actions?

Because that predetermined decision to forgive based on what has been forgiven you is exactly what God has asked us to do for his children who have wronged us. The only difference is that instead of only knowing his Son for 3 years or for 11 years, God the Father has loved His one and only unique son for all of eternity, and yet He still offered Him in your place. You know I wouldn't kill one of my daughters for you in real life...but God did kill His Son for you.

Can you forgive God's other children who are still in rebellion against their loving Father and are taking it out on you, not based on your feelings toward them, but based on your feeling toward their heavenly Father?

R.T. France speaks about Matthew 6:14-15 in the Tyndale Commentary Series and says, "The point is not so much that forgiveness is a prior condition of being forgiven, but that forgiveness cannot be a one-way process. Like all God's gifts it brings responsibility; it must be passed on. To ask for forgiveness on any other basis is hypocrisy."

Jesus illustrates this principle further in Matthew 18:23-35 with the parable of the unmerciful servant. In the story, the servant was forgiven to tune of an unfathomable amount of money and then he goes out to call a fellow servant to account for a much, much smaller some of money owed to him. I've always heard it told as if the fellow servant only owed him pennies and yet the man wouldn't forgive him, but that's not the case. The amount owed was 100 denarii, or 100 days wages. If you figure a minimum wage of $7/hr and figure a wage worker is working 8-12 hours/day that comes out to be a sum of $5,600-$8,400 in today's language. I don't know about you, but if someone owed me almost a third of a year of wages, I would not feel like it was just pennies! But compare that to the amount the servant had been forgiven by the king, 10,000 talents!! Most scholars say a talent was worth about 6,000 denarii. Using the same math as before, that's somewhere between $33.6 million and $50.4 million! And when you are talking about that kind of money, all of the sudden $8,400 actually does sound like pennies!

So what...

does that mean that I am supposed to forget about what someone has done to me even if they have not asked for repentance? Are we supposed to allow someone to continue to abuse us and others without calling them on the carpet? I recommend you read an excellent article by Jerrie Barber about when it would be a sin to forgive for some practical help on dealing with specifics. But that's about as far as I'll go toward answering those questions. Instead, I'll simply say...how has God forgiven you? Once you grasp that, let it lead you into how you should behave toward others who have wronged you understanding that God who has forgiven you already at the expense of the death of His Son has asked you to forgive His other children who are erring.

I can't imagine anything worse than getting to judgment day thinking I have lived my life for God and am secure in His grace and then hearing Him ask me why I refused to forgive my brother who owed me $8,400...or my parents who abused me...or my spouse who neglected/cheated on me...or my friend who betrayed me...or my church member who gossiped about me...or my coach who was a jerk to me...or my...you fill in the blanks.

How often do we pray for forgiveness? How often do we pray for forgiveness the way Jesus instructed us to..."as we forgive others." May we bring that part of the Lord's prayer back into our hearts and into our actions, and may God forgive us all for the times we have ignored it in the past...even as we forgive others who have ignored us.