Putting "Community" Back into the Community of Believers- Acts 4:32

Last week I heard the end of a conversation on one of the Christian radio stations about why the millennial generation is not really involved in churches. I didn't get to hear much of what was said, but when I tuned in, they were discussion some sort of big conference in which representatives of many large church organizations and denominations were discussing different ideas for how to bring in and keep twenty-somethings. The man talking described all the big ideas and programs that were thrown out in the brainstorming session. Until finally a young man- in his twenties- stood up and said, "You know, I think if there were just one other person in the congregation that I was really close to...that I had a really deep relationship with...I would come back."

I don't think there are very many of who would argue too loudly that we are by and large missing some of the connection to our brothers and sisters in Christ that the early church felt. When I read passages like Acts 4:32, I sometimes long for those relationships as well. Don't get me wrong, I have some incredibly close friends in the church that I am currently attending and in the church at large. But how many of us can say that? How many of us have relationships with the others in the church that are so real and so lasting, that we don't even count our possessions as our own? Can we really say that we are of "one heart, one mind?"

I don't think that phrase means that we never disagree. After all, Peter disagreed with the others in Jerusalem initially about bringing in gentiles. Paul disagreed with Peter about his practice of disassociating with the gentiles when the Jews came around. Paul and Barnabas disagreed over the inclusion of John Mark on the next missionary journey. No, being of one heart and one mind most certainly cannot mean that we will always have the same opinions and hold the same exact beliefs. Just look at Romans 14 as an example.

But what it does mean is that we have the same purpose. That purpose is to glorify Christ and to spread the kingdom of God. And it does mean that we actually view each other as family and not just as "church friends." You know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the relationships that we have with people in the church that consist of "Hey how are you doing?" "Great, how are you." "Doing good." "How was the ball game last night?"

It's just got to get past that at some point for us to be family!!!

Jesus said that the rest of the world would recognize us as his disciples when they saw our love for each other. Do they? Or does our association with the church more closely resemble our other associations with social clubs and PTA meetings where we hold a loose connection that gives us just enough common purpose to meet on a semi-regular basis in order to discuss our children and our common goals?

Now I have a hunch. If what I am writing is resonating with you and you are thinking about your frustration that your church doesn't sound at all like the church of Acts 4:32, then my guess is that your temptation (like mine) is to think about all of the things that could be done differently in order to better facilitate better relationships. You might think about more effective meeting times and different styles and locations of assembling with the saints that might seem to be more conducive to building relationships. You might think of different programs that would really encourage people to get closer together. You might get really excited about the idea of a congregation-wide ropes course team building activity! (That one is probably gonna be a little difficult to pull off!!:)

I'm not going to go anywhere close to commenting on any of those things. Changes can be helpful or they can be hurtful to a local congregation. The shepherds of each congregation have a responsibility to evaluate their flock and where they are and to lead in a direction that enables Godly relationships to thrive in an atmosphere of family trust that is so real "we don't hold our possessions as our own." But that's up to them.

What is up to me...and you...is to ask "what am I doing right now to build a real and meaningful relationship with someone else in the church?"

There is a bumper sticker philosophy that is attributed to Gandhi that says "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Apparently Ghandi didn't actually say that. What he did say was, "If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do."

In other words, you're not going to change the world by just sitting back and "being the change." But the change that we must focus on first is the change in ourselves.

So how about it? Do you want to see the church look like the church of the first century again? Do you long to feel the connections that the earliest Christians did? Connections so strong and so real that they gladly sold property and gave it to the church. Connections so real that if someone was in need there wasn't a moments hesitation. Relationships that went beyond any blood lines to the point that brother and sisters in Christ forgot that they were brothers and sisters "in Christ" and simply became brothers and and sisters  who shared a common home in heaven with a loving Father and they therefore recognized that what's mine is yours and what yours is mine." Do you want that? Then I guess I'm going to challenge you in a slightly bumper sticker way to

Be the change you want to see in the church.

How to avoid the whole "bad company" talk with my kids- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Oh, how we as parents love this verse! If I had to guess what the most thought about and talked about spiritual subject that crosses parents minds and gets communicated to kids, it would be the importance of choosing friends wisely. I feel quite confident that this subject has been the staple of youth ministry diet since the first century. To be honest, I'm slightly surprised that we don't have a record of Lois and Eunice asking Paul to talk to Timothy about the kind of people he was hanging around as a teenager!

But this isn't the only verse that we think of when approaching the topic. We also quote 1 Corinthians 15:33 tirelessly. "Bad company corrupts good morals." In fact, I'd say that this side of the coin is what gets emphasized the most because the truth of relational influence is rarely emphasized until a child is making poor choices relationally and therefore making poor choices behaviorally and morally.

Don't get me wrong, we minimize the truth contained in these verses to our own detriment. Parents are right to repeat them over and over and over again. They are justified in keeping a close eye on friendships and acquaintances that their children have because we are all incredibly influenced by those we want to spend our time with.

However, I would like to suggest a couple of principles based on these verses that perhaps we don't think about quite as often:

1. I need good deep, Godly relationships just as much and maybe even more so than my child does. I know that point might be argued based on the fact that children are typically more easily influenced than adults. So let's go with that line of thought. If kids are more easily influenced and you are trying to influence them to be proactive in gaining beneficial relationships instead of falling into harmful ones, will your influence over their choice of friends be more effective simply in words or would they be able to see and hear the message more clearly if they witnessed it in your life while you were saying the words? Without even considering our influence of example over our children, let's just think about us. At what point in your life have you faced the most temptations, pressures, and obstacles to faith-- as a child growing up in a Christian home or when you are out on your own and responsible for yourself? I think we would all agree that while we may not be particularly interested in revisiting the teenage years for one reason or another, in hindsight, the pressures of life as a mid-life parent are probably greater than that of a 16 yr old.
2. Lectures upon lectures and classes upon classes have been delivered about the negative influence of bad friends...and usually to little or no avail. Maybe we need to spend more time helping our children pursue a life based on Ecclesiastes 4 which encourages actively seeking out Godly helpful relationships. In so doing, perhaps we will be able to avoid at least some of the worry and stress that comes when we see godly morals being corrupted by bad company because our children will already belong to a Godly group of friends who can lift them when they fall instead of contributing to the fall! In other words, we shouldn't be surprised when our children choose ungodly friends and begin to imitate those friends despite our teachings and pleadings at home if we have not and are not actively helping them pursue Godly friendships in the body of Christ.

So how can we give our kids the security and strength of a "cord of three strands?" Here are just a few suggestions:

• Make meetings with the saints a priority for your family. How can we expect a child to be closer to friends they see once a week than to the guys they hang out with in the locker room and after school every day? Relationships require investment, and the only investment that will give a return is the investment of time.
• Invest in relationships for yourself and your children at the same time by inviting Godly families of similar ages into your home. Just have someone over for dinner who has kids the same age. After the evening...invite them again later. If there is one thing I've realized, it is that for the most part, teens will be about as involved in the life of the church and about as invested in the family of God as their parents are. If a parent is not actively seeking and prioritizing friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ, then neither will/can the child. Someone will fill that relational void. And too often, that someone is the same someone whom parents ask me down the road to teach a class on 1 Corinthians 15:33  about!
• Join a life group. Maybe you're not quite ready to invite others into your home. That's ok. Go to theirs. The life groups are an incredible way to share intimate fellowship with like-minded brothers and sisters who, for the most part, are in the same stage of life.

 These are just a few suggestions. If you have others, leave them in the comments below. However it happens, let's VOW to live the truth of this wisdom that we have known and taught for so long.

Oh, and one more thing..."pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." Maybe the relational investment that we need to make most right now is not for us, but for someone else. In a culture that is so consumed by crowded schedules, more and more Christians are trying to walk through life with no one close enough to help them when they fall. Let's keep an eye out for those folks and be ready to catch them...or better yet. Let's take pity on them before they get to the fall and help keep them from falling by coming alongside them whether they invite us or not!