How to avoid the whole "bad company" talk with my kids- Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

"Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone. Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Oh, how we as parents love this verse! If I had to guess what the most thought about and talked about spiritual subject that crosses parents minds and gets communicated to kids, it would be the importance of choosing friends wisely. I feel quite confident that this subject has been the staple of youth ministry diet since the first century. To be honest, I'm slightly surprised that we don't have a record of Lois and Eunice asking Paul to talk to Timothy about the kind of people he was hanging around as a teenager!

But this isn't the only verse that we think of when approaching the topic. We also quote 1 Corinthians 15:33 tirelessly. "Bad company corrupts good morals." In fact, I'd say that this side of the coin is what gets emphasized the most because the truth of relational influence is rarely emphasized until a child is making poor choices relationally and therefore making poor choices behaviorally and morally.

Don't get me wrong, we minimize the truth contained in these verses to our own detriment. Parents are right to repeat them over and over and over again. They are justified in keeping a close eye on friendships and acquaintances that their children have because we are all incredibly influenced by those we want to spend our time with.

However, I would like to suggest a couple of principles based on these verses that perhaps we don't think about quite as often:

1. I need good deep, Godly relationships just as much and maybe even more so than my child does. I know that point might be argued based on the fact that children are typically more easily influenced than adults. So let's go with that line of thought. If kids are more easily influenced and you are trying to influence them to be proactive in gaining beneficial relationships instead of falling into harmful ones, will your influence over their choice of friends be more effective simply in words or would they be able to see and hear the message more clearly if they witnessed it in your life while you were saying the words? Without even considering our influence of example over our children, let's just think about us. At what point in your life have you faced the most temptations, pressures, and obstacles to faith-- as a child growing up in a Christian home or when you are out on your own and responsible for yourself? I think we would all agree that while we may not be particularly interested in revisiting the teenage years for one reason or another, in hindsight, the pressures of life as a mid-life parent are probably greater than that of a 16 yr old.
2. Lectures upon lectures and classes upon classes have been delivered about the negative influence of bad friends...and usually to little or no avail. Maybe we need to spend more time helping our children pursue a life based on Ecclesiastes 4 which encourages actively seeking out Godly helpful relationships. In so doing, perhaps we will be able to avoid at least some of the worry and stress that comes when we see godly morals being corrupted by bad company because our children will already belong to a Godly group of friends who can lift them when they fall instead of contributing to the fall! In other words, we shouldn't be surprised when our children choose ungodly friends and begin to imitate those friends despite our teachings and pleadings at home if we have not and are not actively helping them pursue Godly friendships in the body of Christ.

So how can we give our kids the security and strength of a "cord of three strands?" Here are just a few suggestions:

• Make meetings with the saints a priority for your family. How can we expect a child to be closer to friends they see once a week than to the guys they hang out with in the locker room and after school every day? Relationships require investment, and the only investment that will give a return is the investment of time.
• Invest in relationships for yourself and your children at the same time by inviting Godly families of similar ages into your home. Just have someone over for dinner who has kids the same age. After the evening...invite them again later. If there is one thing I've realized, it is that for the most part, teens will be about as involved in the life of the church and about as invested in the family of God as their parents are. If a parent is not actively seeking and prioritizing friendships with brothers and sisters in Christ, then neither will/can the child. Someone will fill that relational void. And too often, that someone is the same someone whom parents ask me down the road to teach a class on 1 Corinthians 15:33  about!
• Join a life group. Maybe you're not quite ready to invite others into your home. That's ok. Go to theirs. The life groups are an incredible way to share intimate fellowship with like-minded brothers and sisters who, for the most part, are in the same stage of life.

 These are just a few suggestions. If you have others, leave them in the comments below. However it happens, let's VOW to live the truth of this wisdom that we have known and taught for so long.

Oh, and one more thing..."pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up." Maybe the relational investment that we need to make most right now is not for us, but for someone else. In a culture that is so consumed by crowded schedules, more and more Christians are trying to walk through life with no one close enough to help them when they fall. Let's keep an eye out for those folks and be ready to catch them...or better yet. Let's take pity on them before they get to the fall and help keep them from falling by coming alongside them whether they invite us or not!